Season 3, Episode 2: How do I stop worrying about how I’m coming across?

Tania Huddart: Think about the clients you love teaching. The ones you click with. With them, you don't worry about how you're coming across. You just teach. The work makes sense with them in the room. That's not luck. That's confidence. And it comes from knowing who you're there for.

Host: Welcome to Build Confidence and Purpose with Pilates. I'm here with Tania Huddart: Pilates teacher, teacher trainer and author of Teach Pilates with Confidence and Pilates & Purpose. Both voices you'll hear are made with AI. Every word Tania says is her own, and she's approved each one.

Last time, we talked about the ten minutes before class. Today, the worry that comes into class with us. How do I stop worrying about how I'm coming across?

Tania Huddart: By thinking less about how you come across, and more about who you're there for.

Host: That sounds simple. It doesn't feel simple when you're standing at the front of the room.

Tania Huddart: No, it doesn't. I've felt it too, that worry. Do I sound like I know what I'm doing? Do they like me? Am I enough?

Last season we talked about one answer to that. Your clients don't really care about you. They care about what they can learn from you. Today I want to go one step further. Because the thing that makes you a confident teacher is the relationship you build with your clients. Not your voice. Not your outfit. The relationship.

Host: How does a relationship make you confident?

Tania Huddart: Think about who you love teaching. Who do you click with? There are some people where you walk in and it just works. You understand what they need. They understand what you're saying. You're not performing. You're teaching.

I can still feel the difference between those two kinds of class. In one, I'm watching myself. In the other, I'm watching them. And I teach so much better when I'm watching them.

When you're watching yourself, you talk too much. You fill every silence. You check the clock. And the client can feel it, even if they couldn't tell you why.

Host: And who are those people, usually?

Tania Huddart: They're your ideal clients. That's the name for them. They're the ones who find the answer to their problem in a class with you. Your way of teaching fits what they need. So you teach with confidence and clarity, because the work makes sense with them in the room.

And here's the part that matters for a business. Those clients tend to be loyal. They come often. And they recommend you to their friends and the people they work with.

Host: So the clients you enjoy most are also the ones who keep you busy.

Tania Huddart: Very often, yes. It makes sense when you think about it. When you're clear about why you teach, you attract the clients who suit you. The ones who fit your personality and your strengths. And those people feel the fit as much as you do.

It works the other way, too. When you try to be for everyone, you second-guess everything. Is this too slow for her? Too hard for him? Too much talking? That's where the worry about how you're coming across lives.

Host: How do you work out who your ideal client is? It's hard to say "I love teaching those people" when you teach everyone who walks in.

Tania Huddart: It is. So start with one person. Not a crowd. One.

On the worksheet I use with teachers, the example is a woman I call Sarah. She's a manager at an IT company. She sits all day, and she carries a lot of responsibility. Her lower back gets sore, and it gets worse when work gets busy. She has two teenagers. She loves her garden, and she often overdoes it and hurts herself.

It's very specific. It's meant to be. And then there's the part that tells you how to help her. Her frustration is her own commitment to her wellbeing between classes. She always puts herself last. She looks after everyone else. She knows she needs to look after herself, and she struggles with the guilt.

Host: Why does knowing that help you teach her?

Tania Huddart: Because now you know what she's carrying when she walks in. You know she hasn't done her exercises, and why. You're not going to make her feel worse about it. You're going to give her something small she can do while she's waiting for the kettle, or before she gets into the garden.

And you stop worrying about how you come across to her. Because you're thinking about her back. About her week. About what would actually help. There's no room left for the worry.

Host: What if most of the people in your class aren't Sarah? You can't send them home.

Tania Huddart: No, and you wouldn't want to. Every client deserves your best. Drawing one person doesn't mean you only teach her. It means you know who you're building for. Everyone else still benefits, because a clear class is clear for everyone.

And over time, something shifts. The picture you paint brings more of the people you love teaching. The room slowly changes.

Host: Is Sarah only a client thing? Or does it work for teachers, too?

Tania Huddart: It's interesting. Teachers have the same problem as Sarah. They spend so much time looking after everyone else that they forget to look after themselves. If you can see that in her, you might see it in you.

But yes, the exercise works for anyone you serve. If you teach teachers, draw a teacher. If you run a studio, draw the client you'd love more of. Write her down. Her work. Her body. Her family. What she listens to. What frustrates her. Make her real enough that you'd know her in the street.

And give her a name. It sounds silly. It helps. Before long you'll catch yourself asking, "Would Sarah understand this cue? Would Sarah come back next week?"

Host: Let's say you know who she is. How does she find you?

Tania Huddart: You paint her a picture. Before someone can decide to work with you, they have to understand what you're expert in. And they have to understand how you can help them. That only happens if you've painted a clear picture.

Host: What makes a picture clear?

Tania Huddart: Knowing the position you want to hold, and the people you want to serve. A clear position is a real advantage. And most teachers have never sat down and defined theirs.

Your position is what you're known for. It's what people say about you when you're not in the room. "Go and see her. She's wonderful with sore backs."

So why don't we define it? Because it feels like closing doors. If I say I'm for people with sore backs, will everyone else stay away? So we try to be for everyone. And then nobody quite knows what we're for. I'd rather be someone's favourite teacher than everyone's second choice.

Host: So what goes in the picture?

Tania Huddart: What she'll get. People are more interested in how they'll benefit than in what you do. "I teach mat and reformer" is what you do. It doesn't tell her anything about her life. What will she see? What will she feel? What will she be able to do that she can't do now? If you can show her how coming to class leads to something real in her life, she's far more likely to try it.

So say it plainly. On your flyers, on your website, and when you're talking to someone who's thinking about coming along. Something like, "I help busy women with sore backs move with less pain and more freedom." Sarah hears that and thinks, "That's me."

Host: And once she's in the room, the worry has gone?

Tania Huddart: Mostly. You're human. But you'll notice the difference. You're not trying to impress anyone. You're helping the person you built your teaching around. And the more of those people you have in the room, the more your confidence takes care of itself.

On the days you feel the worry creeping back, ask yourself one question before you start. Who is this class for? Then go and teach them.

Host: So, three things to take away?

Tania Huddart: One. Confidence comes from relationships. Notice who you love teaching, and who you click with. They're your ideal clients.

Two. Draw one person. Write her down in detail, including what frustrates her. Then teach to her.

Three. Paint a clear picture. Say who you help and how their life will be different. Most teachers never do, and it's what makes you easy to find.

Host: And a question to sit with?

Tania Huddart: Who do you love to work with? Picture one of them. What did they come to you for? And what did they find?

Host: You'll find Tania's article, How focusing on the people you serve builds your confidence, in the Journal at taniahuddart.com. And there's more on finding your why, and the clients who suit you, in Teach Pilates with Confidence.

Next episode, we're back to the words we use. Why does one cue land and another one doesn't?

Tania, last word?

Tania Huddart: You don't have to be for everyone. Find the people you love to teach, and teach them well. They'll find you, and they'll bring their friends.