Season 2, Episode 3: I feel like a fraud. What do I do with that?

Tania Huddart: Progress, not perfection. That's the mantra I use when my imposter syndrome rears its head. And yes, it still does. After all these years. You can't be perfect. You can't know everything. You can only try. And then you take the next step, and the one after that.

Host: Welcome to Build Confidence and Purpose with Pilates. I'm here with Tania Huddart: Pilates teacher, teacher trainer and author of Pilates & Purpose. Both voices you'll hear are made with AI. Every word Tania says is her own, and she's approved each one.

Last time, we talked about finding your why. Today, the feeling that can drown it out. It's the one a lot of teachers never say out loud. I feel like a fraud. What do I do with that?

Tania Huddart: First, you say it out loud. You just did. That's a good start.

Host: What is it, though? What's actually going on when a teacher feels like that?

Tania Huddart: It's self-doubt about what you've achieved. You feel like you're tricking people into thinking you're good at this. Like you only got here by luck. Or like everything has to be perfect, all the time.

And underneath it, there's a fear that someone will find out your secret. That one day a client will see you aren't as good as you seem. You feel alone with it. And you can feel that way even when there's no evidence at all.

It's very lonely, too. You look around and think everyone else has it worked out. They don't. They're just not saying it either.

Host: How does it show up in a teacher's week?

Tania Huddart: It looks like a lot of things. Self-doubt. A real fear of failing, or of not being good enough. Setting standards nobody could meet. Working too much, until you burn out. Giving luck the credit for anything that goes well. Pulling away from other people. And not being able to see your own skills clearly.

I used to think the feeling meant I should stop. That if I felt like a fraud, maybe I was one. It doesn't mean that. And the most experienced teachers I know still feel it.

Host: So what's the good news?

Tania Huddart: The good news is short. Imposter syndrome is not a problem. It's not an illness. And it's not only you.

The research says high achievers often feel it most. Which tells you something. It isn't a sign you're bad at this. If anything, it often turns up in people who care a lot about doing it well.

And that's the part I want every new teacher to hear. Feeling like a fraud only happens because you care. You care enough to share what you know the best way you can. You care because you want to serve your clients well. A teacher who didn't care wouldn't lose sleep over it.

Host: But it can still do damage, can't it? If you leave it alone.

Tania Huddart: It can. Left alone, those feelings can wear down your mental health, and they can lead to burnout. So I don't want anyone to just sit with it and hope it passes.

The only way out of that loop is forward. You take action, even while you feel the fear. You don't wait for the feeling to go away first. It won't. You move, and then the feeling gets smaller. That's the order it happens in.

Host: A lot of newer teachers think the answer is more training. If I just knew more, I'd stop feeling this way.

Tania Huddart: I understand that. But if you waited until you knew everything, you'd never teach. Nobody knows everything about a subject. It's impossible.

When you love something, it's easy to go down a rabbit hole. You read everything. You do another course. And there's always more, so you never arrive. That's not a problem with you. That's what a big subject is like.

Host: So how much do you need to know?

Tania Huddart: Enough to help the person in front of you. That's all.

You can't teach everything you know at once anyway. People get confused, or overwhelmed. You can only share what fits in the time you've got. And the people who come to you want what you have to share. You already know more than they do. That's why they came. They believe they can learn something from you, and they want more of it.

You don't need a PhD. You don't need a big social media following. You don't need to have survived something terrible to have a story worth telling. You already know something that will help someone with their problem. And they can't get that help if you won't step forward and offer it.

Host: Even if you've only helped a handful of people so far?

Tania Huddart: Even one. If you help one person, you're still an expert to them. And who knows how many more you'll help once you take that first step.

There is only one of you. Nobody else can say it the way you say it. So use what you have. If clients say lovely things about you, use those. If you have a qualification, use it. Take feedback that helps you do better next time. And keep going.

Host: What about the moment a client asks you something, and you don't know the answer? That's when a lot of teachers feel most like a fraud.

Tania Huddart: I know that moment. And here's the thing. You don't need to have all the answers. You can't. New ideas and new research come along all the time. What we know keeps changing.

So you can say, "I'm not sure. Let me find out." And then you go and find out. That's not a failure. That's a teacher learning as she goes, which is what all of us do.

The people in your class bring years of their own experience, too. They can be a resource for you, and for each other. You're not the only one in the room who knows things. That's a relief, if you let it be.

Host: You say there's bad news, too.

Tania Huddart: There is. And it sounds harsh, so let me say it plainly and then explain. The people that come to your classes don't care about you.

Host: That is quite harsh.

Tania Huddart: I know. But stay with me. They care about what they can learn from you. They come because they're trying to solve a problem. A sore back. Feeling stiff. Wanting to keep up with their grandchildren. And they think you can help.

What you say could give them hope. It could be the answer they've been looking for. The more you put yourself out there and help people, the more difference you make in their lives.

So here's why that's good news in disguise. When you feel like a fraud, all your attention is on you. Am I good enough? Do I look right? Will they find me out? But the client isn't looking at you that way. They're thinking about their own body.

If you turn your attention to them, your insecurities can take a back seat. Focus on helping the person on the mat, and that feeling starts to fade. You don't fix imposter syndrome by working on your confidence. You fix it by moving your attention off yourself and onto the person you're teaching.

Host: That's the opposite of what most people would expect.

Tania Huddart: It is. And it works because it's true. You feel like an imposter when you compare yourself to others. You focus on what you can't do, and what you don't have. Instead of noticing what you can do, and what you do have.

Here's one way to see it. Imagine two teachers. They both teach a class that goes badly. The first one thinks, "Of course it went badly. I'm a failure. Why bother?" She feels low, and she changes nothing.

The second one thinks, "That went badly because I didn't plan it well." She's disappointed. And then she plans the next one properly.

Same class. Different belief underneath. The first believes "I'm a failure." The second believes "I'm capable when I give it my best." It's worth writing down the beliefs that aren't helping you any more. And then writing what you'd like to believe instead.

Put the old belief on one side of the page and the new one on the other. Then ask, for each one, what would I think? How would I feel? What would I do? You'll see the difference straight away. One keeps you stuck. The other gets you planning the next class.

Host: So what can someone actually do, this week, when that feeling turns up?

Tania Huddart: Two things. The first is gratitude. Make a note of what people thank you for. The moment someone thanks you for something you shared, you've succeeded. That's your evidence. Write it down, because on a bad day you won't remember it.

And don't be afraid to share what you know. It's the only way to find out if you're on the right track. If you don't share it, you can't help anyone. And you can't hear that it helped.

Think about it. How wonderful would it be if you changed someone's life? You can't, if you keep what you know to yourself. So get out there and share it, from your heart.

Host: And the second?

Tania Huddart: Three questions, every day. Take a few minutes at the end of the day and write down your answers in a journal. Make it a quiet few minutes, just for you. It doesn't need to take long.

The first is: what did I do well today? The second: today, I had fun when… And the third: I felt proud today when…

Host: Why those three in particular?

Tania Huddart: Because the fraud feeling only collects the bad evidence. It remembers the cue that didn't land. It forgets the client who stood up taller at the end of class. These questions make you collect the other evidence too. On purpose. Every day.

And notice there's a question about fun in there. Teaching is meant to be enjoyable. If you've forgotten that, the second question will remind you.

And the third one, about feeling proud, is the hardest for a lot of teachers. We're not used to saying it. Write it anyway. Nobody else has to read it. It might be something tiny. A cue that worked. A client who laughed. A class you nearly cancelled and didn't. It all counts.

Host: And over time?

Tania Huddart: Over time you've got pages of proof. Not proof that you're perfect. Proof that you're helping. That's the only kind that matters.

And alongside it, set yourself small goals. Not one giant leap. Small steps, one after the other. When you reach one, celebrate it. A coffee with a friend. A bubble bath. It doesn't have to be extravagant. It just has to light you up.

And be kind to yourself about the days that don't go well. You'll have them. Everyone does. Take what you can learn from them, ask for feedback if it helps, and try to do a little better next time. That's all progress is.

Host: So, three things to take away?

Tania Huddart: One. Feeling like a fraud only happens because you care. It isn't a problem, it isn't an illness, and it isn't only you.

Two. You'll never know everything, and you don't need to. If you help one person, you're an expert to them.

Three. When the feeling comes, turn your attention to the person on the mat. And at the end of the day, write down what you did well.

Host: And a question to sit with?

Tania Huddart: What do people thank you for? Write down every one you can remember. Then keep adding to the list.

Host: If you'd like Tania's three daily confidence questions on one page you can print and keep beside your bed, they're free at taniahuddart.com.

Next episode, we turn to the people in the room. Who's actually on the mat in front of me?

Tania, last word?

Tania Huddart: You care. That's why you feel this way. So put yourself out there, and take one step after the other. Progress, not perfection.